This is now officially a problem. I’m planning my lunch breaks on my days off to coincide with Rock of Love. With only six creatively named women left in the house, at least I’ll be in detox soon. And I do draw the line at recording it, so I’ll miss tomorrow’s episode…
Kristy Joe is one of the six left. She’s also still married and has decided that the best way of “telling the world that (she’s) here for Bret” is to call her (second) husband. I’m assuming he’s her current husband, and also the guy she has a restraining order against. He’s surprised to hear from her and not that pleased to discover that his wife is calling him to tell him about the “connection” she has with Bret. Bret? Is scared, and running away in his red Ferrari. Kristy Joe is getting emotional because he’s running away from her drama and she can’t tell him that she’s there for him.
The “insanely awesome” challenge for the day is to make two videos for two of Bret’s songs. Two teams, winning team gets a group date, winning creative director gets a solo date. Ambre and Destiney are duking it out for that honour. Jessica is not only glad she doesn’t have to work with “that crabby ho, Kristy Joe”, but pleased to be on a team with Destiney, who has done music videos before, apparently, and Daisy, who “can sing… in her own mind”.
Kristy Joe is perfect for the video for “Fallen”, since it really reflects her “internal struggles”. Eew. “Crying? And laying in bed all day long? That’s the same thing she does every day. Not such a hard acting job for Kristy Joe,” smirks Megan. In fact, Megan’s job in her team seems to be to slag everyone off. Ambre is derided as “an old lady” because she’s unable to hold the camera steady. She is so confident in her directorial ability, though, that she doesn’t mind that the other team is “monopolising” Dean. He seems happy to be hanging out with the scantily clad girls “acting” as strippers.
In editing, Ambre discovers that pressing “pause” all the time has cut the scenes, which is going to make the process much longer. With 30 minutes to go, the system crashes. Botox having rendered her face inexpressive, Amber is reduced to conveying her emotions by gaping like a guppy and swearing. In the other editing suite, Destiney’s team is still dressed in their stripper garb and are all talking over one another.
Judging. Ambre’s team video is dull black and white angst in lingerie, cut with colour footage of Bret with guitar. Ambre pays homage to The Wizard of Oz in the final scenes where the Kristy Joe footage turns to colour when presented with a rose. We are so not in Kansas anymore. I would have thought that much was obvious. The other video has even less energy, which is quite an achievement since it features pole dancing and fake girl-girl snogging. Fallen wins! Ambre gets her solo date! Destiney is annoyed that “that stupid skank Kristy Joe gets another date with Bret”. She screams a lot. Unfortunately she doesn’t smack KJ.
The date is in Bret’s bedroom. They both think it’s “awesome” and “very cool” to be sitting on the floor in front of a low table. Low expectations. Some sort of questionable swami arrives to look into Ambre’s flinty soul. Bret has donned a paisley bandana in honour of the occasion. Heads are bowed reverently and Satish discovers that Bret and Ambre have a connection that has lasted for over 900 years. (Ambre is quick to reassure him that she is only 32 years old, which… WHAT? Why aren’t the birthers investigating this claim?) Will their age-old connection be strong enough to withstand the imminent arrival of Kristy Joe, who seems unable to respect the santity of the solo date? Just as Bret says “just me and Ambre in the here and now. That’s where I wanna be,” there’s a knock at the door. “Unless this is God, or big John with a beer, I’d best not be interrupted right now.”
Bret sends Kristy Joe to her room and says something ambiguous that makes her think that he’ll be following her once he makes his excuses to Ambre. Not so fast, KJ! He sends Satish to try to sort out her “soul in turmoil”. Heh. “Have you seen a sad tree? Have you seen a frustrated ocean? Have you seen a crazy mountain?” Kristy Joe answers “no” to all of these questions. Her interview reveals her true reaction: “What the fuck did you say?”.
Back in Bret’s bedroom, Ambre and Bret are snogging and it’s not pretty to watch. Bret thinks she’s the best kisser in the house. After the pashing, Ambre is dismissed and KJ is invited in. She tells Bret about the phone call and, instead of being all “yay, thanks KJ” he realises that this means she’s been lying all along about having ended the relationship before going into the house. Oops. Destiney is sobbing on the stairs, imagining what is going on behind Bret’s bedroom doors. Her tears are contagious: Jessica and Daisy join in.
Group date: Megan, Kristy Joe and Bret. He’s taken them to a bar lit with no-shooting-up-here blue. Megan jumps him and they start snogging, forcing KJ to take refuge in the lime green lounge. “It’s like, wait a minute, where’s Kristy Joe?” Bret interviews, seemingly surprised that she wouldn’t have hung around to watch the Megan’n'Bret show. He abandons the face sucking Megan for some “Kristy Joe time”, which Megan soon interrupts.
Elimination time. Bret’s not looking forward to it, since he just loves all these beeyootifull ladies. I guess it doesn’t really matter what they wear to elimination, since the backstage passes have already been printed, but I would have advised Ambre against the midriff-baring tank-top-long-skirt combo if she wants to hold the “I’m 32″ line. She’s the first to be called, since Bret has taken it on trust that they have known each other since the 12th century. I think he trusts Satish more than anybody else in the house. Daisy gets the “spiritual connection” line. Jessica has “stepped it up”, so gets her pass. She thanks God. God says “um, this one’s not on me, dude”. Destiney is next to stay and rock Bret’s world. Now it’s down to Megan and KJ. KJ is called down to take Bret’s hand and Megan thinks her world is about to be rocked, but not in the good way. He’s practically begging KJ to stay, but is leaving the decision up to her.
She needs to go home. He walks her out.
Megan is, literally, the booby prize. And the remaining five will battle it out to be Bret’s second-choice-girlfriend (or third, if you count the first season).
Rock of Love is brought to us by Mindless Entertainment. I’m not even kidding.
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Well I think you have officially taken the title of biggest reality TV tragic in australia from me. Christ this sounds amazingly crap and amazingly good. Where do they get these people from?
I was bereft when I realised the last episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was on Tuesday night. It is conspicuous consumption at its best. One family bought their 17 year old daughter a hummer.
reality raver´s last blog ..An Australian Version Of The X-Factor Likely To Premier In 2011
[...] them. Corey has neither confirmed or denied this. If you don’t know what Rock of Love is read Injera’s blog post on it she is addicted. [...]
[...] in Rock of Love. I have not seen it but it is one Injera’s favourite reality shows, see her blog post on it here. [...]