Nadia Sawalha won Celebrity MasterChef in the UK. Who is Nadia Sawalha? I’ve no idea. Now, if it were Julie Sawalha, I’d be all over that, but Nadia is a mystery. Don’t you get up, though – I’ll google it myself1.
In Eating in the Sun, according to the TV guide,
Winner of Celebrity MasterChef, Nadia Sawalha, is sent to some of the most beautiful restaurants in Europe to cook for a mystery challenger. With her pride at stake she has just two days to perfect the complex dishes for her guest.
I had seen an ad for the show and thought it looked good, possibly because I was only paying scant attention to the details, so added it as a series link. It started on April 15 on Lifestyle Food, so the episodes are piling up as this is the first chance I’ve had to watch. I’m already disappointed, because I thought it was the real MasterChef winner, not the winner of the Celebrity version.
The episode opens with Nadia, in the sun, explaining that she’s about to receive directions to a restaurant from a “mystery foodie”, who enjoyed a holiday meal there. Once she reaches the restaurant, she will have to recreate the meal that made such an impression. For some reason, the recording cuts out for a bit here, and I’m taken ahead in time to where a narrator is halfway through reciting her menu: polpettini, chickpea broth, ricotta cheesecake. I guess, then, that she’s somewhere in Italy. Or, perhaps, Padstowe.
The mystery challenger is revealed to us, but not to Nadia… yet. It’s Gregg Wallace, MasterChef judge. He’s sending Nadia to Matera, which he tells us is “without doubt” the poorest part of rural southern Italy. La Bottega is described as “a true replica of an authentic Italian dining experience”, which sounds potentially hideous. Not Kryal Castle hideous, but perhaps Coal Creek hideous. The narrator assures us that it’s very popular with the locals, so perhaps Gregg just needs to rethink his word choices.
Naturally Nadia’s arrival at the restaurant is scored with the theme from The Godfather, and the restaurateur is introduced as The Big Boss. I’m sure the people of Southern Italy are thrilled to see Mafia stereotypes preserved here. The narrator reminds us that she will be cooking for her “MasterChef nemesis, Gregg Wallace” which makes no sense at all, given that he was a judge when she won the competition.
We meet the team. Massimo is the head waiter who will be “on Nadia’s back if she messes up at all. He likes to shout”. Gianna (sp) is the head chef and Nadia is pleased to see that she’s a woman.
The first dish is captioned as “aubergine, mozzarella and parmesan cheese” but the narrator uses the Italian name parmagiana melanzane. I’m not sure why that wasn’t included in the caption, really. She’s also having to make the aubergine polpettini, and then fava bean puree and chickory (and that’s just the first course).
Nadia starts learning the dishes, which she will be shown only once. There are no recipes written down, so Nadia must remember everything. I’m not sure why she doesn’t just take notes, but she seems to be focussing hard and repeating everything rather than doing so. Perhaps there’s a “no writing” rule that we haven’t been told about.
Nadia’s first crack at the polpettini are done and are getting poor reviews from the folk in the kitchen. Too garlicky, not mixed well enough. The Boss tells her she can’t make mistakes and I’d imagine it took some restraint in the editing suite not to score a menacing snippet from “Woke up this morning” behind this.
Nadia gets the thumbs up from Gianna for her first attempt at the fava bean puree, which Gregg has chosen because of its simplicity. He points out that it’s easy to make tasty food with lots of great ingredients, but impossible to disguise bad cooking with simple ingredients. Back in Surrey, Gregg is waxing lyrical about the culture of southern Italy, saying that over there “food is a birthright”. Hyperbole. Not restricted to MasterChef judging.
Nadia takes a break from the kitchen to make mozzarella, which is a task Gregg seems to have chosen for her because he thinks she’ll be terrified of the buffalo. Such a kind man.
Next task – pasta making for the tagliatelle with chick pea broth. Nadia is taken to a local expert to learn the tricks, while Gregg – still in his pasture in Surrey – bellows about the intricacies of tagliatelle making. And it is intricate, make no mistake. I mean, first you must make a dough – a dough! I know! – and then you must roll it through a pasta machine. Now, here’s the really tricky bit – cutting it into 1/4 inch pieces. Gregg makes a big deal about the fact that all the pieces must be the same width, as we see Nadia feeding her sheets of pasts through the pasta cutter. So, not that tricky, then. He promises to be proud of her if she can do this. Low expectations. In order to get this dish right, Nadia must forget everything she ever knew about making pasta dishes, which looks as though it’s not going to be that much of a challenge for her.
On the day of the challenge, Nadia is given an extra task – a ricotta cheesecake. She loses track of how many eggs she’s broken for her cheesecake in the panic of trying to get everything done. The narrator is amping up the drama far too much with all the focus on the diners who are about to slam the kitchen with their orders because, unless I’ve completely misunderstood this show, she’s only cooking for Gregg, not the entire restaurant.
Out come the dishes, and while Gregg is happily eats his bean puree and chicory, Nadia is burning the polpettini. The melanzane passes muster, but Gregg is not happy with the second, unburnt, batch of polpettini. Massimo is yelling at her about the seasoning of the chickpea broth, but it’s not very constructive since he refuses to taste it, saying “you’re the chef”. Then pull your head in, Massimo, is what Nadia should have retorted. Gregg loves the pasta, but Nadia doesn’t know that yet, so can’t leap around the kitchen saying nerny nerny ner ner.
We’re coming to the end of this challenge and Nadia takes the cheesecake out to Gregg, who gives her positive feedback and a glass of wine. “I’m amazed. I’m absolutely amazed. You’ve learned a whole new cuisine!” Gregg exaggerates.
I’ve still got two episodes of Eating in the Sun to catch up on. I’m not sure that I’m going to bother.
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1. I read that last link as “lost 12 stone in two weeks” in the original google results listing and couldn’t resist checking it out. I hope she’s going to be cooking more interesting food than what she was eating on her diet.
