This week I have been Reading
The 2011 Tour de France race guide.
Watching
An Idiot Abroad
Listening to
The xx
Discovering
(Or rediscovering) Hamlet - Nicki Greenberg's beautiful new version, thanks to the fabulous Snarkattack, who invited me along to see Nicki talk about the creative process behind the book.
Eating
- An enormous serve of bangers'n'mash and a nourishing pint of Kilkenny at the Town Hall one dismal Tuesday evening.
- A "Chachi" - chianina meatball sandwich - another brioche donut and some amazing chocolate tart at Beatrix, which Essjay has reviewed.
- A lazy Sunday lunch at The Crimean. The Polish hunter's stew (bigos) was just the thing to revive me after a chilly bike ride.
- Generous piles of fried food with oodles of chillies and sichuan peppercorns at Sichuan House
- Succulent suckling pig at Liberteene.
- An array of bright, zesty flavours at Chin Chin, where the only problem was having to choose only some of the items from what looks to be a menu that is all hits, no filler.
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By Injera, on April 15th, 2010% It’s not Jersey Shore, which has been growing on me, but Flavor of Love: Charm School. I had such high hopes for it, partly because I find it difficult to resist any title sporting a colon, and partly because it was misrepresented in the TV guide as Rock of Love: Charm School. Flavor of Love – which I’ve never seen, nor knew existed – followed the antics of a group of women, competing for the affections of Flava Flav. It distresses me even to type that. Must go and listen to some cleansing Public Enemy to recover.
I’m back. Fight the power, people! Apparently some of the women vying for the Flav’s attention behaved badly. So badly, in one case, that an eviction took place before a nickname could be bestowed And so badly in other cases, if the interviews are anything to go by, that family disappointment followed. What’s a girl to do if she’s shamed her family by appearing on a trashy reality show? Why, sign up for another one, of course! The prospect of a $50,000 prize gives me some understanding of why these girls are involved; I have no idea why Mo’Nique is playing the part of ringmaster for this circus, though.
The combatants are women from two seasons of the pre-colon show and include:
- Goldie – The Puker, so named for her vomiting which, we are told, “smells like chicken”
- Serious – The Egomaniac. Her introductory clip shows her flashing her tits and saying “if they don’t look like this? Then it don’t matter”
- Hottie – The Crazy Girl. Judging from the first two, she’s got some stiff competition in the crazy stakes, so I’m expecting some serious nuttiness – more serious than eating a bit of undercooked turkey, which appears to be how she got her name
- Rain – who is known as The Screamer, but that must only be because The Crazy Girl is already taken. And probably because the producers thought it would be rude to just call her the Fugly Girl
- Smiley – The Crier (who also screams, comes off as crazy in her clip, and is not very attractive)
- Pumkin (sic) – The Spitter. I’m wondering if she spat more than once, or if the girls were nicknamed from one random clip. If she’s a serial spitter, then… ewwww. (Actually, if this is the only time? Then also ewwww, because we see her lobbing a really big gob of spit right in another girl’s face)
- Toastee – The Porn Girl (strangely, not the girl being called a “fuckin’ whore” in the Pumkin clip)
- Like Dat – The Slob. Drinking from a milk carton, burping, looking like a man
- Buckwild – the Blackest White Girl, so called, presumably, because she talks in Randy Jacksonisms, dawg
- Krazy and Buckee – the Balcony Brawlers. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Yes, they are having a fight. On a balcony
- Bootz – The Hater. Well, if she’s The Hater, what does that make me?
- Saaphyri – The Fighter. Perhaps she’s only distinguishable from The Balcony Brawlers by the fact that she’ll take her fightin’ anywhere
Given that the show starts with clips of the women behaving atrociously, the only shocks were the revelation that the names “Bootz”, “Goldie” etc were also nicknames – the nicknames given to them by Flava Flav – and, then, that Saaphyri was her real name1.
This show had no other surprises and surprise is what keeps otherwise formulaic TV entertaining. Shows such as Ladette to Lady and Australian Princess, which were fairly short on lasting entertainment value, at least had the novelty of a cast of gauche, reality TV newbies. These girls have already had more than their 15 minutes and are back for more; they’ve experienced the control of producers and editors and they have signed back up, possibly wiser this time around and, if not, then irredeemably stupid (and irredeemable stupidity is only fleetingly amusing).
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1. I wonder how Mo’Nique recovered from the awkward exchange with Saaphyri during the nickname-stripping ceremony: “That represented something ugly. What is your real name, baby?” “That is my real name.” (And, in case you’re wondering, it seems to be pronounced Safari.)
By Injera, on March 5th, 2010% **For Simply Baking recipes, click here**
Recipes from today’s program (Friday 18 June) will be posted tomorrow.
As TV shows end, there are new ones to attract my devotion. Knowing that Bret Michaels had found love with one of the gawjus laydeez in Rock of Love II might be good news for the Poison singer, but bad news for this fan of his poignant search for a meaningful relationship1. Fortunately I mentioned the approaching end of the show to a friend at lunch and she reminded me to check out Simply Baking on 7Two on Friday afternoons.
Simply Baking is hosted by Andrew Nutter, a celebrity chef from Lancashire who isn’t shy about capitalising on his surname (one of his books is called Utter Nutter). I’m so lucky that my first viewing of Simply Baking featured puff pastry, because I can’t get enough of hearing a northern accent say “puff pastry”. And three minutes in, he’d said “puff pastry” more times than I can count. I’d been warned that he’s also fond of the word “actually” – he did say it a lot, but it definitely came second to “puff pastry” in this ep2.
It’s possible (probable) that the show has the backing of a proper production company, but the look and feel is of a public television spot shot in Nutter’s bedsit. Cooking shows these days are all about the slick appliances; Simply Baking features real whitegoods! There’s not an inch of stainless steel in sight. I did spy a KitchenAid on the bench, but it was in muted green (or navy?) and was hidden away. More eyecatching was what looked like a prop from the TV version of Hitchhikers Guide. It turned out to be a ridiculously small fridge.
Everything about the show is daggy and old-school. Nutter demonstrates the recipes, then reads through them again while the ingredients and amounts are displayed on the screen – I’m pretty sure that, before this section, he even reminded viewers to grab a pen and piece of paper. Bless! Wardrobe consisted of the largest, orangest shirt I’ve ever seen and it coordinated nicely with the collection of orange tea-towels. It wasn’t until he popped over to the oven (gas mark 5!) that I could confirm that it was actually a shirt and not a dhoti of some description.
Simply Baking is a nice little cooking show. The host is chirpy (“personable” would be damning with faint praise, I guess) and the recipes – today at least – were simple and looked reasonably tasty. Plus, I’m now prouder of my knife skills than I was before viewing; Nutter’s crowing about being able to slice leeks finely whilst looking at the camera and talking (wow! Multi-tasking!) elicited a snort and “call that fine?!” from me (and a startled leap from the cat, who still isn’t used to the fact that I talk back to the TV)3.
If you are seeking recipes from the show, try the Simply Baking tag in the left side bar – I’ve been recapping episodes since this one and transcribed the baked delights, after a fashion…
Not long after the Nutter half hour is Tamasin’s Weekend. The eponymous Tamasin is the sister of Daniel Day Lewis and the show is a longer version of Posh Nosh, without any satire (and without Richard E. Grant, of course). In today’s episode, Tamasin’s uni student daughter was “cooking” for some friends, which offered her mother both the opportunity to say “darling” more than Nutter said both “puff pastry” and “actually” combined and the chance to make all sorts of dated judgements about students and their pot noodle dependencies. Tamasin also indulged in some self-congratulatory “I’ve taught her all about cooking” stuff, and then did all the cooking while her daughter got dressed and made up. The “cooking” involved slicing raw vegies, making a bagna cauda, and cooking some pasta to be served with what turned out to be some stringy-looking chicken. They also said “hoomus” a lot, which might be the correct pronuciation for all I know. I’m glad I’ve seen Tamasin and, while I’d like to say I won’t watch it again, it has just enough fingernails-on-the-chalkboard appeal to make it a keeper.
The last new show that hasn’t made it onto the recording schedule, but is still ridiculously addictive (and is probably the one that is the true successor to RoL) is RuPaul’s Drag Race. Basically, it’s America’s Next Top Model with a more appealing host and, in some cases – Ongina! – more attractive contestants. The contestants are vying for the honour of winning the race, I guess. To be honest, I haven’t paid much attention to the endgame, since the challenges are the major entertainment focus. Once contestants have passed the challenge, the bottom two “lip-synch for their lives” and the loser is eliminated. It’s a fun show and I’m enjoying seeing Project Runway‘s Santino on the judging panel.
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1. The fact that I know there’s another RoL series is some comfort to me here.
2. One of the recipes also featured mushrooms. Mushrooms! And “bootton mooshrooms” at that.
3. I see that quite a few new visitors have come here looking for Nutter recipes. Sorry! No recipes here, but there are some here, here and here. Enjoy!
By Injera, on February 25th, 2010% This is now officially a problem. I’m planning my lunch breaks on my days off to coincide with Rock of Love. With only six creatively named women left in the house, at least I’ll be in detox soon. And I do draw the line at recording it, so I’ll miss tomorrow’s episode…
Kristy Joe is one of the six left. She’s also still married and has decided that the best way of “telling the world that (she’s) here for Bret” is to call her (second) husband. I’m assuming he’s her current husband, and also the guy she has a restraining order against. He’s surprised to hear from her and not that pleased to discover that his wife is calling him to tell him about the “connection” she has with Bret. Bret? Is scared, and running away in his red Ferrari. Kristy Joe is getting emotional because he’s running away from her drama and she can’t tell him that she’s there for him.
The “insanely awesome” challenge for the day is to make two videos for two of Bret’s songs. Two teams, winning team gets a group date, winning creative director gets a solo date. Ambre and Destiney are duking it out for that honour. Jessica is not only glad she doesn’t have to work with “that crabby ho, Kristy Joe”, but pleased to be on a team with Destiney, who has done music videos before, apparently, and Daisy, who “can sing… in her own mind”.
Kristy Joe is perfect for the video for “Fallen”, since it really reflects her “internal struggles”. Eew. “Crying? And laying in bed all day long? That’s the same thing she does every day. Not such a hard acting job for Kristy Joe,” smirks Megan. In fact, Megan’s job in her team seems to be to slag everyone off. Ambre is derided as “an old lady” because she’s unable to hold the camera steady. She is so confident in her directorial ability, though, that she doesn’t mind that the other team is “monopolising” Dean. He seems happy to be hanging out with the scantily clad girls “acting” as strippers.
In editing, Ambre discovers that pressing “pause” all the time has cut the scenes, which is going to make the process much longer. With 30 minutes to go, the system crashes. Botox having rendered her face inexpressive, Amber is reduced to conveying her emotions by gaping like a guppy and swearing. In the other editing suite, Destiney’s team is still dressed in their stripper garb and are all talking over one another.
Judging. Ambre’s team video is dull black and white angst in lingerie, cut with colour footage of Bret with guitar. Ambre pays homage to The Wizard of Oz in the final scenes where the Kristy Joe footage turns to colour when presented with a rose. We are so not in Kansas anymore. I would have thought that much was obvious. The other video has even less energy, which is quite an achievement since it features pole dancing and fake girl-girl snogging. Fallen wins! Ambre gets her solo date! Destiney is annoyed that “that stupid skank Kristy Joe gets another date with Bret”. She screams a lot. Unfortunately she doesn’t smack KJ.
The date is in Bret’s bedroom. They both think it’s “awesome” and “very cool” to be sitting on the floor in front of a low table. Low expectations. Some sort of questionable swami arrives to look into Ambre’s flinty soul. Bret has donned a paisley bandana in honour of the occasion. Heads are bowed reverently and Satish discovers that Bret and Ambre have a connection that has lasted for over 900 years. (Ambre is quick to reassure him that she is only 32 years old, which… WHAT? Why aren’t the birthers investigating this claim?) Will their age-old connection be strong enough to withstand the imminent arrival of Kristy Joe, who seems unable to respect the santity of the solo date? Just as Bret says “just me and Ambre in the here and now. That’s where I wanna be,” there’s a knock at the door. “Unless this is God, or big John with a beer, I’d best not be interrupted right now.”
Bret sends Kristy Joe to her room and says something ambiguous that makes her think that he’ll be following her once he makes his excuses to Ambre. Not so fast, KJ! He sends Satish to try to sort out her “soul in turmoil”. Heh. “Have you seen a sad tree? Have you seen a frustrated ocean? Have you seen a crazy mountain?” Kristy Joe answers “no” to all of these questions. Her interview reveals her true reaction: “What the fuck did you say?”.
Back in Bret’s bedroom, Ambre and Bret are snogging and it’s not pretty to watch. Bret thinks she’s the best kisser in the house. After the pashing, Ambre is dismissed and KJ is invited in. She tells Bret about the phone call and, instead of being all “yay, thanks KJ” he realises that this means she’s been lying all along about having ended the relationship before going into the house. Oops. Destiney is sobbing on the stairs, imagining what is going on behind Bret’s bedroom doors. Her tears are contagious: Jessica and Daisy join in.
Group date: Megan, Kristy Joe and Bret. He’s taken them to a bar lit with no-shooting-up-here blue. Megan jumps him and they start snogging, forcing KJ to take refuge in the lime green lounge. “It’s like, wait a minute, where’s Kristy Joe?” Bret interviews, seemingly surprised that she wouldn’t have hung around to watch the Megan’n'Bret show. He abandons the face sucking Megan for some “Kristy Joe time”, which Megan soon interrupts.
Elimination time. Bret’s not looking forward to it, since he just loves all these beeyootifull ladies. I guess it doesn’t really matter what they wear to elimination, since the backstage passes have already been printed, but I would have advised Ambre against the midriff-baring tank-top-long-skirt combo if she wants to hold the “I’m 32″ line. She’s the first to be called, since Bret has taken it on trust that they have known each other since the 12th century. I think he trusts Satish more than anybody else in the house. Daisy gets the “spiritual connection” line. Jessica has “stepped it up”, so gets her pass. She thanks God. God says “um, this one’s not on me, dude”. Destiney is next to stay and rock Bret’s world. Now it’s down to Megan and KJ. KJ is called down to take Bret’s hand and Megan thinks her world is about to be rocked, but not in the good way. He’s practically begging KJ to stay, but is leaving the decision up to her.
She needs to go home. He walks her out.
Megan is, literally, the booby prize. And the remaining five will battle it out to be Bret’s second-choice-girlfriend (or third, if you count the first season).
Rock of Love is brought to us by Mindless Entertainment. I’m not even kidding.
By Injera, on February 21st, 2010% The way I see it, reality television is meant to be fun. Some shows have an element of the practical (learn how to do something whilst being entertained!), some are probably aiming to be inspirational (if these people can lose weight, maybe I can too!), and some are meta entertainment (people on TV competing to be famous). A lot of them are probably at the top of the televisual nutrition pyramid – they’re not going to do you any harm but should be enjoyed in moderation. Rock of Love wouldn’t even make it onto the diagram: it’s highly processed junk food that could quite probably be damaging to your health, but it’s something you crave every now and again.
Continue reading Cookies are a sometimes treat, and so is Rock of Love
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